


Right Where You Left Me

by MadAboutGrey



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Long-Distance Relationship, MerDer, Romance, Young Love, maddison - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadAboutGrey/pseuds/MadAboutGrey
Summary: Meredith meets Derek in the year before she leaves to go to Dartmouth, and they try to make it work long distance only for things to fail horribly. Do they still feel the same way for each other when she returns to New York 12 years later?
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A new MerDer AU inspired by Taylor Swift! Let me know what you think so far

She was fairly sure it was going to rain. She could probably put a bet on that it was going to rain, and she knew she’d win. In fact, it was probably going to be torrential rain. She started walking a little faster down the street from the bus stop to her house, wrapping her coat tighter around her body as the wind started to pick up.

She somehow managed to trip over her own feet, her heart lurching out of her chest as she stumbled, just about managing to balance herself so she didn’t completely face plant the pavement. Her bag, however, had fallen off her shoulder and its contents had spilled onto the sidewalk. She crouched as she tried to pick her books up quickly, feeling the drops of rain starting to fall and she pulled her hood up as she stood up. Five more minutes and she’d be home. Probably soaked to the skin by then, but she’d be home, in the warmth at least. A hot shower, that’s exactly what she needed.

As predicted, the heavens opened, and the rain suddenly came down so fast she felt as though a bucket of water had dropped over her head. The wind really didn’t help as she tried to walk faster home. By the time she made it to the front door, she was shivering, soaked through, and kicking herself for not taking a coat with her that morning. She dug around in her bag for her keys, thinking of the shower she was dying to take to warm her up, but her heart dropped when she couldn’t find them. She put the bag down on the porch swing that didn’t swing, looking in her bag properly for her keys.

“Damn it,” she muttered, realising they weren’t there. She could’ve sworn she’d picked them up this morning. She thought she’d picked up everything that had fallen out of her bag but couldn’t even remember seeing her keys.

At least the porch covered her from the rain as she sat on the porch swing. A small miracle. It didn’t help with the wind, though, as she brought her knees up onto her chest, wrapping her arms around them for warmth as a chill ran down her spine. She couldn’t even remember what time her mom said she’d be home tonight, or if she had said.

She pulled her phone out, typing out a message to Ellis to say she’d forgotten her keys and ask what time she’d be home, but she hardly expected a quick response. She looked up at the house behind her, starting to wonder if there was any other way she could think of to get in the house.

The hum of a car engine caught her attention on the quiet street, and she turned her head toward the noise, half hoping her luck had turned and her mother had come home out of the blue. No such luck. The car pulled up in the driveway across the house. Carolyn’s house. She could go over and ask Carolyn, maybe she still had a spare key, or at least shelter while she waited for Ellis to get home. But she was more intrigued now by the dark-haired male getting out of the car that had pulled in the driveway. Who was he?

She didn’t remember seeing him around here before, but he was definitely something good to look at. She bit her lip slightly as her eyes took in the sight of him, the way his jeans fit around his ass. She watched, slightly mesmerised as he jogged up to the front door and knocked, waiting until Carolyn opened the door and greeted him with a hug, but also hitting him on the arm and appearing to tell him off.

“Meredith?” She heard her name being called, and even though she had been watching them it took her a moment to realise Carolyn was calling out to her over the rain, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she stammered, her fingers working over the watch on her wrist, feeling the slight blush on her cheeks as the stranger watched her, “Just forgot my keys.”

“Come over here, come inside, you’ll catch a cold waiting out there,” Carolyn called, motioning for her to come over.

“It’s… I’m… it’s okay, it’s no bother. My mom, she’ll be home soon and it’s not that bad,” Meredith shrugged.

“Nonsense. Grab your bag and come over,” Carolyn repeated, clearly not about to take any excuses.

“Okay, I’ll just,” she didn’t even know what she was trying to say at this point, grabbing her bag and heading over to the house across the street.

“Let’s get you a drink to warm you up, we both know it’ll be a while before Ellis gets back from the hospital,” Carolyn said, ushering her inside and closing the door behind her as she took off her shoes, trying to ignore the stares of the stranger she was sure she hadn’t seen before.

“Yeah, I messaged her but, you know, probably in surgery still, or busy, or…” she shrugged, finding herself still stammering slightly.

“It’s okay,” Carolyn said with a warm smile, “Now, hot chocolate or tea?”

“Oh, hot chocolate, please, Mrs Shepherd,” she said with a small smile, holding her bag close to her.

“Of course, come on into the kitchen and you can do some of your schoolwork while you wait. And call me Carolyn, you know that dear,” the older woman said, about to lead the way into the kitchen.

“Well, I feel a bit forgotten about. Drove all the way here, and everything,” the stranger said, grinning at his mother in a way that told her he was joking.

“Oh, hush, Derek. No one’s forgotten about you,” Carolyn chided. The stranger had a name. Derek. “Meredith, this is my son, Derek. He’s been away at college and forgotten the world doesn’t revolve around him.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said with a small nod, not quite meeting his eyes before they moved into the kitchen.

“You too,” he responded, managing to meet her eyes a moment before she looked away quickly.

It felt strange being here. Meredith always knew that the Shepherd house seemed more a home, whereas her own house was definitely just that, a house. She’d never been inside, though, and only really knowing Carolyn in passing. It felt a bit strange. She sat down at the kitchen table, watching as the conversation seemed to continue between Derek and his mother.

“Where is everyone?”

“Amelia isn’t home from school yet and you’re the first one here. Nancy isn’t coming back till next week.”

“Oh, thank god. Another week without her.”

“Derek! Be nice,” she said, swatting his hand with a wooden spoon as he went to grab a marshmallow.

“Ma!” He groaned, managing to take one anyway.

Meredith looked down at her bag on her lap when his gaze lifted to look at her, pulling out her biology textbook and notebook to get started on her assignment. She opened the textbook and started writing in the notebook as a quieter conversation that she couldn’t quite pick up on occurred between Carolyn and Derek that she couldn’t quite pick up on. She focused on the work in front of her, blocking out all the other noise around her as she did so, which meant when Derek’s hand touched her shoulder she nearly jumped out of her own skin, a blush immediately rising to her cheeks.

“Do you want something drier to wear?” He asked, looking down at her, his hand lingering on her shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, if you don’t mind, I mean I don’t want to be a bother,” she stammered slightly, her voice quiet.

“It’s no bother, Ma’s gone to get you something of Amelia’s to wear,” he said with a grin, dropping his hand before moving to sit across from her at the table, “What are you working on?”

“Oh, uhm, biology assignment,” she said, looking up at him with a small smile before looking back down at the work in front of her.

“Maybe I can help, what’s it on?” He asked, a grin still on his face that made his eyes sparkle.

“Genetics, gene expression,” she murmured as she finished the sentence she was writing, “Are you an expert in genetics?”

“Not exactly, but I am in pre-med at college,” he shrugged, still grinning slightly.

“Ah, so you think you’re really smart?” She asked, feeling a little more comfortable in their conversation.

“Well, it’s a pretty much a pre-requisite for going pre-med,” he said with a chuckle, and she could still feel his eyes on her even though she was trying to focus on the work in front of her.

“Here we go, Meredith. I found some joggers of Amelia’s but apparently it’s going to be laundry day today,” she said with a shake of her head, “Derek, you don’t have a clean hoodie for Meredith to borrow, do you?”

“Yeah, I should have one upstairs. Come on, I’ll show you to the bathroom so you can change,” he said as he stood up and she followed suit.

“Your hot chocolate should be ready when you come back down,” Carolyn smiled at them both before moving back to the stove.

“Thanks, Mrs Shepherd,” Meredith nodded as she took the joggers.

“Call me Carolyn, Meredith,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks, Carolyn,” Meredith nodded before turning to follow Derek up the stairs, her eyes roaming over the numerous pictures that covered the walls.

“The bathroom is just here, I’ll be back in a second with the jumper,” he smiled, pushing open the door to the bathroom.

“Thanks,” she murmured, going into the bathroom, and closing the door before stripping off the wet clothes, glad to have them off finally, pondering a moment that it was definitely strange to be stood in just your underwear in your neighbours’ bathroom. She pulled on the grey joggers which were thankfully her size, looking in the mirror as she pulled her ponytail out and ran her fingers through her hair, releasing how much of a mess it was from the wind. A knock sounded on the door and she didn’t even think about the fact she was only in her bra and the joggers before she opened the door fully.

“Here, my Columbia…” his voice trailed off as he seemed to notice she was still half naked.

“I… crap, sorry,” she murmured, taking the hoodie from him, and closing the door quickly, feeling the intense heat on her cheeks from how hard she was blushing.

She pulled on the jumper, bringing her hair out from underneath that had gotten trapped underneath and pulling it up into a ponytail again. Her hands gripped the sink as she tried to control her breathing. Why did she even do that? Why would she open the door, wide open, in the house of someone who she barely knew, in front of someone who was actually a stranger. A really attractive stranger. Who had stared right her chest. She hadn’t missed the slight blush on his own cheeks as he had stumbled over his own words. She took a final deep breath before opening the door again, seeing he had disappeared somewhere. She picked up her discarded clothes and took them back down to the kitchen with her.

“Here, I’ll take those, I’m doing a wash for Amelia anyway,” Carolyn said as she walked back in.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, don’t worry about it, you’ve already done so much,” Meredith said with a smile back at her.

“No, no, it’s okay, here, it’s not a problem at all,” Carolyn insisted.

“Okay, thank you,” she said as she passed the clothes over, she couldn’t ever imagine Ellis offering to do any of this for a neighbour.

“Your hot chocolate is ready there next to your work; do you want any snacks or anything? Derek always used to snack while he was doing his homework,” she said with a soft laugh.

“Oh, no, that’s fine, thank you,” Meredith replied, sitting down at the table and taking a sip of what could quite possibly be the best hot chocolate she had ever tried.

“Okay, well let me know if you get hungry, I’ll just leave these cookies here just in case,” Carolyn said, placing a plate of what looked like snickerdoodle cookies in the middle of the table.

Meredith looked back down at her work again, trying to not think so much about the handsome boy that had just seen her in her bra, and instead focus on the work in front of her. Eventually, she managed this, and an hour had passed when she looked up again from her work, hearing the front door open and close, only to see that Derek was sat across the table from her again. She frowned at him slightly, putting her pen down.

“When did you…” she trailed off as he grinned slightly at her.

“About twenty minutes ago. Ma went to the hospital; she’ll be back in an hour or so. I think she said something about getting keys from your Mom,” he shrugged, his gaze lifting to the doorway as his sister walked in, “Amelia!”

“Derek! I thought you weren’t back till tomorrow,” she moved over to him as he stood up to hug her.

“Thought I’d come back a day early, I wasn’t doing anything,” he shrugged as they pulled back.

“Did mom tell you about Nancy?” Amelia asked as she grabbed a cookie that Meredith had all but forgotten about.

“Yeah, she’s not back till next week,” Derek shrugged, taking a cookie before pushing the plate toward Meredith.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?” Amelia asked, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not his,” Meredith started, and Derek interrupted.

“No, she’s not, she’s the neighbour from across the street, got locked out,” Derek explained quickly.

“Ah, Ma’s taking in strays again,” Amelia nodded.

“Huh?” Meredith frowned, look to Derek.

“It’s nothing, she’s not,” he shook his head.

“Right, anyway, I have work to do,” Amelia shrugged before taking another cookie and heading up the stairs.

“Sorry about that,” Derek said, sitting back down in the chair.

“It’s okay… I mean, it’s fine,” she bit her lip slightly as she turned back to her work. 

“My mom cares about everyone, and she’s known for taking people in,” Derek started to explain.

“It’s okay,” Meredith looked up at him with a small smile.

“You should try a cookie,” he suggested, judging the plate toward her again.

“I… okay,” she murmured as she reached for one and took a bite of it. It was probably the best cookie she’d ever tasted in her life, and she couldn’t help the slight moan that escaped as she ate it.

“Good?” Derek murmured, his eyes on her.

“Yeah,” she nodded, blushing slightly as she finished off the cookie.

“Ma’ll be back soon. She just had to drop by my dad at the hospital, you should stay for dinner,” he suggested. 

“Oh, no, I should probably head back to my house if your mom is getting the keys is getting the keys and… why’s she gone to the hospital anyway? I would’ve gone with her and be out your way,” Meredith frowned slightly.

“First of all, when I said you should stay for dinner what I meant is that you are staying for dinner, Ma won’t take any other answer,” he said with a soft chuckle, “and my Dad works at the hospital, she’s gone to take dinner to him because he’s ended up working late, huge accident came in apparently.”

“Oh, okay, wait,” her brow furrowed as she thought about the doctors at the hospital. They’d only been here a couple years, but she’d still spent a fair bit of time in the hospital, “your Dad is Dr Shepherd?”

“Yeah, how… actually yeah, you would know, you spend a lot of time at the hospital with your Mom being chief?” He asked, picking up another cookie and breaking it in half.

“Yeah, and I mean, your Dad is neurosurgery and that’s… amazing. I would never tell my mom this but, that’s what I want to do,” she blushed slightly, closing her textbook.

“You want to go neuro? Why would you never tell your mom, wouldn’t she be happy you’re becoming a surgeon?” Derek asked, frowning slightly as he passed half the cookie to her.

“You’ve clearly not spent a lot of time with Ellis Grey,” she laughed slightly, taking the cookie.

“I mean, I’ve read about her. Amazing general surgeon, pioneering, even,” he said, still frowning slightly.

“I’m not denying that,” she shook her head slightly and shrugged as she sat back in the chair, “Just… she didn’t seem exactly thrilled when I told her I was going pre-med in the fall.”

“Seriously? Ma’ll tell anyone who’ll listen,” he chuckled slightly, but seemed to change the conversation off her mother, “Do you know where you’re going yet?”

“I applied to Dartmouth, Columbia and Stanford,” she shrugged, taking small bites of the cookie.

“Have you picked one?” He was grinning at her again now, but she wasn’t too sure why.

“I have a letter back from Columbia, but I’m waiting to hear from Dartmouth,” she couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“I’m going to Columbia for Med school in the fall,” he grinned still, “Closer to home.”

“Where are you now?” She asked, finishing off the half cookie he’d given her.

“Bowdoin. Like the jumper says,” he laughed as he gestured to the jumper of his she’d been wearing and hadn’t even registered what it said.

“Oh, right, yeah,” she laughed softly, glancing down at the jumper a moment before looking back up at him, “Just home for the holidays?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“I’m sorry, about earlier,” she said so suddenly she didn’t even realise what she was saying, but it had been bothering her since it happened and it felt like the elephant in the room, “I don’t normally… I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Do what?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, and she was pretty sure he was teasing her.

“Walk around in my underwear in front of strangers,” she murmured, feeling the heat of her blush on her cheeks.

“Don’t worry about,” he shook his head, “We’ll pretend it didn’t happen, if you want, but for the record… nothing bad happened.”

“Good idea,” she nodded, starting to pack away her things.

“No more work to do?” He asked, standing up from the table and moving round to the stove, lifting the lid of the pot that sat simmering.

“No, the rest of my stuff is at home, and well, it’ll have to wait,” she said with a shrug, watching him as he moved around the kitchen.

“So, what do you do for fun?” He asked, leaning against the counter as his eyes met hers.

“I don’t really… I just study,” she smiled slightly, finding herself biting her lip before dropping her gaze from him.

“That’s it?” He asked, and she nodded in response before moving to look out the window off the back door.

The rain was coming down hard still, dancing off the wood of the porch and drowning the grass. She sighed softly as she continued to watch it. She wasn’t completely lying, she did just study all the time, but she kind of enjoyed the rain when it was completely soaking her through, and she was dying to go out on a walk in it.

“It’s kind of beautiful isn’t it?” She heard his voice from beside her, softer as he stood close to her, also watching the rain.

“I love it,” she murmured glancing up at him, only to find him watching her, and she was pretty sure she was blushing again, “I like walking in the rain.”

“Do you hike?” He asked, his voice still quiet.

“Yeah, not when it’s torrential outside, mostly when it isn’t raining for the harder trails,” she explained, not breaking her gaze from his gaze this time as a soft smile appeared on his lips.

“We should hike together sometime,” he said as he reached his hand to brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her cheek and over her jawline. 

“I’d like that,” her voice was barely above a whisper now as her heart started to race at his touch.

“Hmmm,” he hummed softly, slowly lowering his lips toward her, his eyes searching hers as though searching for her protest, which she knew there wasn’t any.

Her hands moved to his shoulders as she moved forward to meet his lips with her own in a soft kiss, her eyes closing as she focused on the soft feel of them on her own, his hand sliding into her hair. His free arm moved around her waist, holding her body closer against his as her fingers tangled into his hair, their lips moving more desperately against each other. She felt his tongue brush against her lips, and she parted them, allowing the kiss to deepen as his hand slipped under his jumper she wore, against her bare back.

Their lips pulled back after a moment, both breathing a little heavier but they didn’t pull back from each other, his nose brushing against hers lightly and she gently bit her lip, a small smile breaking through. She couldn’t believe she was doing anything like this. This wasn’t the kind of thing that she did, this wasn’t her.

The shutting of the front door it what had her pulling away from him, slightly startled, and he seemed to have the same reaction, his fingers running through his hair. She gently bit her lip, unsure of what to do as Carolyn walked into the kitchen, not seeming to notice the closeness between them.

“Meredith, here, I got your house keys from your mother,” Carolyn said with a slight frown as she passed them over to her, “That woman… I know she’s your mother, but she could definitely use some manners.”

“I was just telling Derek, he clearly hasn’t met my mother,” she said with a nervous laugh, “She’s a surgeon first.”

“Hmm, well she mentioned something about a frozen meal that should be in you can heat up, but there’ll be none of that, you’re having dinner with us,” Carolyn said as she moved over to the stove, “Derek, have you messed with this?”

“First of all, I did no such thing,” he defended himself, only making Meredith laugh slightly because she definitely saw him do something to is earlier, and then he looked to her with a sparkle in his eyes that she couldn’t miss, “Secondly, I told you that you were staying for dinner.”

“There is definitely extra pepper in this,” Carolyn chided Derek, going to hit him on the back of the head, “If you want extra pepper on your chicken add it after!”

“We should probably leave this kitchen before she kills one of us,” Derek dramatized as he walked toward Meredith.

“You’re the one adding pepper into the chicken, I didn’t do anything,” she grinned softly.

“Yes, but I plan to use you as my human shield,” he grinned wickedly at her, “We’ll go find something fun to do, since you’ve finished your work.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’d offer to help but there is a reason I’m only allowed to reheat frozen meals at home,” she laughed slightly.

“Definitely taking you out of the kitchen, if it burnt down, she’d definitely have something to kill you for,” he laughed with her, his hand going to her lower back as he tried to usher her out of the kitchen.

“It’s okay, Meredith, he’s being slightly dramatic today, too much excitement for him apparently,” Carolyn rolled her eyes and went back to finishing dinner.

“I’m never dramatic,” Derek said feigning hurt as they went into the living room together.

“Somehow I find that hard to believe,” Meredith commented as she sat on the couch.

“Everyone always gangs up on me,” he fake pouted as he sat beside her, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind her, “We should watch a film.”

“What film?” She asked, turning to look at him, feeling very aware of his proximity to her.

“We’ll just see what’s on,” he shrugged picking up the remote and starting to flick through the channels, leaning back on the couch.

“Okay,” she nodded, still sitting near the edge of the couch, feeling slightly awkward. She can’t say she’d really sat and watch a movie with a guy, or anyone before. She didn’t even really watch movies.

“Sit back, get comfy,” he chuckled softly, and she could feel his fingers playing with the end of her ponytail.

She sat back more on the couch, his hand resting on her shoulder with the end of her ponytail tangled between his fingers still as he continued to flick through the channels. She really didn’t know what to do. Everything was telling her to leave, to go home, but she knew she would just be dragged back for dinner. She had to wait until at least after dinner, and then she could excuse herself. She did have school in the morning, and she’d need to be up early.

“Hey, what about this one?” Derek said, gesturing towards the tv.

“Oh, sure,” she shrugged, smiling as she looked to the tv, realising she’d been staring at him.

“I love this one,” he said with a grin, squeezing her gently.

“Haven’t seen it,” she shook her head.

“What do you mean you haven’t seen it?” He looked to her, clearly shocked by her statement.

“I haven’t watched a lot of movies,” she frowned slightly, “I get bored.”

“You get bored? How?” He asked, seemingly amused.

“They’re just long and I lose concentration on it,” she shrugged, looking back at the tv.

“But you want to be a surgeon? Won’t you get bored?” He teased, gently poking her side.

“Hey!” She squirmed as his finger jabbed her, “No, I won’t. Surgery is interesting, full concentration. Things are always happening, and you have to be on the ball all the time, and it’s just fascinating. Much better than a movie. Unpredictable.”

“And you’ve watched a lot of surgeries I take it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I sit in the gallery a lot, and my mom has loads of tapes,” she shrugged.

“Do you just watch your mom’s surgeries then?” He asked, appearing to be genuinely interested and not paying attention to the movie at all.

“No,” she shook her head, blushing slightly, “Sometimes I watch your dad, neurosurgery. But mostly my moms because of the tapes and I only started watching your dad’s since we moved here last year.”

“I don’t get to watch his surgeries,” Derek frowned, “How come you get to?”

“I’m the chief’s daughter,” she shrugged in response, “Apparently people don’t say no to the chief’s daughter.”

“And your mom lets you?” He asked.

“If she knows, she doesn’t stop me,” she shook her head, her eyes meeting his again.

“Will you sneak me into one?” He asked with a grin.

“I might be able to, but if your dad catches you… that’s your fault,” she laughed softly at his excitement, loving the way it made his eyes sparkle.

“Again, I’d use you as a human shield,” he said, grinning still, lowering his head slightly as his hand cupped her cheek.

“That’s not very nice of you,” she whispered, a pout on her lips.

“I’m a very nice person,” he responded in a whisper just as he pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

This kiss was different. It was soft, still, but more comfortable. Like she’d known him forever. She knew she probably shouldn’t be doing this with his mother in the kitchen and his sister upstairs. Dinner would be ready soon and the last thing she wanted was Carolyn to come in and find her kissing her son after the help she’d given her.

“Derek,” she murmured slightly, pulling back slightly.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” he murmured back, frowning a little.

“It’s okay, I just… I barely know you,” she laughed slightly.

“True,” he chuckled slightly, “Dinner will be ready in a minute.”

“Yeah,” she breathed, sitting a little further back from him, his hand dropping from her cheek.

“I…. Can I take you out? Tomorrow?” He asked, his voice quiet with one arm still around her on the back of the couch.

“Yeah, okay,” she said with a small smile, “I, er, school. I have school tomorrow, so after that.”

“I’ll pick you up after class,” he said with a grin.

“Derek, call your sister down for dinner,” Carolyn said as she popped her head into the living room with excellent timing, her gaze flickering between the two of them before shaking her head slightly.

Derek’s arm moved from around her and he gently squeezed her hand before getting up off the couch and heading out the room. She stood up off the couch and walked through into the kitchen, sitting down at the dining table as she heard Derek shout his sister’s name up the stairs before he came back in, sitting at the table beside her.

Dinner passed without much conversation, mostly sibling banter between Derek and Amelia that Carolyn would quickly shit down only for it to start up again. Carolyn was an amazing cook. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a proper, home cooked meal, and it was amazing. It made her feel better, warm inside almost. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face, she didn’t think sitting down and eating a meal with other people could feel so… satisfying.

“I should probably head back home now,” Meredith said as she helped gather the plates off the table.

“I’ll walk you over,” Derek said, grinning toward her.

“I live directly across the road,” she laughed softly before turning to Carolyn, “Thank you for dinner, Mrs Shepherd, and for letting me stay, and the clothes.”

“Call me Carolyn, dear, and it’s not problem. You’re welcome to come over anytime. I hate that you’re in that house alone all the time,” Carolyn said, moving to give Meredith a hug.

“Oh, I,” Meredith breathed, accepting the hug, smiling as she hugged her back, “Thank you, Carolyn.”

“Now go on, I’m sure you need to be up early in the morning. Derek, you walk her over, it’s dark out now,” Carolyn said, moving over to the stove and starting to wipe it down.

“I’ll get her home, Ma,” Derek grinned.

Meredith rolled her eyes, grabbing her bag and putting it over her shoulder before heading out to the hall, Derek close behind her. She slipped her shoes on, looking out the small window on the door and frowning slightly when she saw it was still raining.

“Here,” Derek said from close behind her as he picked up an umbrella from next to the door, “We’ll use this.”

“Oh, good idea,” she said, giving him a soft smile as he opened the door for her.

“After you.”

“Thanks,” she laughed softly as she stepped out and he walked with her, holding the umbrella open over them both.

She smiled as she felt his hand slip into hers with a gentle squeeze, their fingers linking together as they crossed over the road to her house. They moved on to the porch, and she released his hand to pull her keys out and unlock the front door.

“So, can I still take you out tomorrow?” He asked, his fingers running down her arm as she turned to face him.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she said, looking up at him and gently biting her lip.

“I can pick you up when you finish class tomorrow,” he said, lowering his lips toward hers.

“That sounds… yeah, okay,” she smiled, her eyes meeting his, “Oh, your jumper…”

“Keep it,” he murmured as his lips pressed to hers, his fingers moving into her hair as he cupped her face, “it looks better on you anyway.”

“Okay,” she murmured as their lips met again and she felt the warmth of the blush on her cheeks.

“I should let you go,” he whispered, pulling his lips back slightly, “Pass me your phone.”

“My… oh,” she frowned slightly as she pulled her phone out of her bag, unlocking it and passing it to him.

“I’ve sent myself a text from your phone, what time do you finish tomorrow?” He asked as he pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“I’m done at half three, but maybe I should come back first and change?”

“No need, just make sure you have your coat and comfortable shoes,” he grinned softly.

“Okay, I will,” she nodded, unable to resist returning his smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, goodnight,” he leant forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead a moment before turning around and heading back down the porch.

She watched him walking back across the road a moment before she turned and made her way back inside, locking the door behind her and heading straight up the stairs. The whole night felt like a dream. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend how, or why that had happened. She never did anything like that. She never got close to a guy, or even considered a date, never mind kissing someone she had just met. And the way she felt thinking about him, she couldn’t stop grinning.

She changed quickly and climbed into bed, eager for the next day to arrive so she could see him again after school. Her phone buzzed from where is sat on charge next to her bed and she checked it quickly, the message he left her leaving her grinning wider if it was possible, even if it was just saying goodnight again. She felt good about this, and maybe, maybe she could be happy, even if it was against everything she believed in. It just felt right.

_Baby, we're the new romantics_   
_Come on, come along with me_


	2. Chapter 2

**Present day.  
**

The rain always reminded her of him. Which had been a bit of a pain the last five years she’d spent in Seattle where it rained constantly. She hadn’t even seen him in almost 12 years, but he still took up more space than he probably should in her mind. Apparently, it wasn’t all that strange that he was still an important person in her life, according to her therapist. He was the first guy she loved, the first one to show her love, to make her feel important. But it had been twelve years since he shattered all that into pieces.

She needed to stop. The whole point in seeing the therapist was to get over him. She’d finished her fellowship and life had brought her back to New York, again, and she needed to be over him. She had too much going on to be stuck on him again. She’d been alone ever since he left. Guy to guy, but essentially alone, never letting anyone in.

But now, she just had to reign all those feelings in, channel her inner Ellis Grey and show zero emotion. She had to go to her mother’s house, start getting things organised and packed and into storage, and she was pretty sure the Shepherds still lived across the street. She had no idea what she was going to do if she encountered a single one of them. She just had to get in the house before anyone saw her. Which was going to be a problem, she realised, as she drove closer to the house, seeing a few people grouped outside. She couldn’t do this; she couldn’t possibly face them. So she kept driving, praying no one paid attention to her car driving past. They probably wouldn’t even know it was her unless they looked into the car.

She drove past both houses, staring straight ahead. She couldn’t bare to look at the people outside, couldn’t bare to know if it was him stood there. It had been 12 years. 12 whole years and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as she tried to stop any tears from falling. She shouldn’t be crying about him still. She stopped the car outside the diner around the corner. She couldn’t concentrate on driving when she was like this. The diner wasn’t helping that much either. They were always at this diner, so much so it could have been their second home that whole summer before she left for Dartmouth. They were supposed to be forever. He said they would be forever, and then he left her inside that very same diner.

She got out of the car, feeling the familiar rage running through her that she normally felt when she thought about it. She slammed the car door shut, leaning against it and running her hands over her eyes. Coffee. She needed coffee and then she just had to drive to the house, park up, and walk in. She straightened out her coat, locking the car before heading inside the diner, hoping there was no one there that would recognise her.

She sat down on a stool at the counter, not daring herself to look around. She fiddled with the watch on her wrist, waiting for the waitress to come over who was finishing up with another customer. She still felt so nervous and she didn’t even know why. There’s no way anyone here would even remember her, let alone recognise her.

“Meredith Grey, is that you?”

Clearly, she spoke too soon. She looked up to see the owner of the diner grinning at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey, Betty.”

“I haven’t seen you in over ten years,” Betty continued to grin at her, “You after a milkshake, doll? Some fries?”

“Oh, no thanks. Just a coffee, please,” she responded, looking down at her hands again.

“Alright, then. What’s brought you back to town?” Betty asked as she poured the coffee into a mug.

“Job, at the hospital, just finished my fellowship,” Meredith said as the mug was placed in front of her and she took with as grateful smile, “Thanks.”

“So that’s where you’ve been all these years, left for college and come back a fancy doctor, right?” Betty laughed, apparently not about to leave her alone.

“Yeah, Dartmouth and then Seattle. I meant to go on to LA, but circumstances changed,” she said with a shrug as she sipped at the coffee.

“Heard about your mother, I’m sorry, doll,” Betty sympathised, reaching to gently touch Meredith’s arm a moment, “You holding up okay?”

“Yeah, you know we didn’t really get on, just need to pack up the house and sell it but it might take a while,” she took a longer drink of the coffee, a weird knot forming in her stomach. She needed to get out of here.

“If you need anything, let me know, okay?” Betty said, “I have to get serving but yell if you need anything.”

“I will, thanks, Betty,” she smiled once more at the ageing woman before she moved along to a table that had just been occupied.

Not wanting to stay there much longer, she finished off the coffee quicker than you probably should drink coffee, and left money under the mug before heading back out, a wave to Betty as she left. She quickly got into the safety of her own car, hoping she hadn’t been seen by anyone, and started the engine. Second time lucky.

Maybe if things had worked out between them, they’d be married now, and he’d be with her for this, helping her. Or she’d be driving back home to him once she was done, meeting him after a shift at the hospital. He’d made her want so much, a future, a family. She might’ve even had a baby with him by now, or they’d be looking at trying for one now that her fellowship was done. They’d made so many plans, and they all fell through after that one night.

As she drove down the street again, she breathed a sigh of relief when the small gathering outside the Shepherd house appeared to no longer be there, and she pulled into the drive of her mother’s house. She made sure to let her hair hang forward, hiding her face from no one in particular as she got her bag out of the boot of the car and made her way inside the house, not daring to look up and see if anyone might be watching her. The door shut behind her and she leaned against it, breathing another sigh of relief as her bag dropped to the floor.

She took a minute to just centre herself, taking a few deep breaths and going to take her coat off and hanging it up on the coat rack. The house was spotless. Dusty, cold, but spotless. She found herself holding her breath as she walked through into the living room, a few medical journals left on the coffee table, everything neatly in its place. That would make this easier. Not that she expected it to be remotely easy, but it helped that her mom had been a neat freak. Or maybe she was just never home, which was probably more likely.

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself as she walked through into the kitchen, first finding the thermostat to switch the heating on. She switched on the lights, realising she’d need them soon anyway with the day starting to fade, and looked through the room. Her mother hadn’t even left a dirty dish. There had been a couple mugs and a plate left to dry, but that was it.

She moved on to the office next, probably the most used room in that house. She opened the door, not ready to even think about stepping into it yet. There were various piles of papers on the desk, and Meredith realised it probably would be the messiest place in the house.

She closed the door again and made her way up the stairs. All the doors were open, even the spare room, but Meredith’s old room was closed shut. She switched the hall light on before going to her room, slowly opening the door. It hadn’t changed. Her mother hadn’t touched her room. It was the one place in the house Ellis didn’t go. She’d always respected the privacy of Meredith’s own room so much so that the bedding hadn’t even changed since Meredith had last been here twelve years ago, after she had refused to come back to New York ever again.

She moved further into the room, not bringing herself to look at the pictures on the wall. She moved over to the window, opening the curtains slightly and looking out over the front. Her gaze flickered to the house across the road, seeing all the lights on. It gave off a warm energy, it always had. The Shepherd house was a warm, comfortable homey house, and had always been different in that respect to her own. She missed that sometimes, when she was feeling really alone.

A movement in one of the windows caught her attention, and that’s when she saw him. Her breath caught in the back of her throat, frozen there for a moment as their eyes met, and she could feel the tears coming to hers. She snapped out of it and drew the curtains firmly shut, feeling her breaths coming quicker. Shit.

He was the last person she wanted to know she was here. She sank down to the floor, lowering her head between her legs as she tried to calm her breathing. She couldn’t break down like this every time she saw him. She was probably going to be seeing him everywhere, and she couldn’t keep breaking down like this. She hated him. She hated him, but she couldn’t help being in love with him. She was so in love with him, and it hurt, and it made her angry. Her fingers dug into her shins a moment as her eyes squeezed shut.

She should probably change the sheets. She should probably eat dinner, change her sheets, shower, and get ready for tomorrow. But she was so tired, and she didn’t want to do any of that. She pulled herself up off the floor, heading downstairs to grab her bag, turning off the lights as she made her way back upstairs, not going back into her own room. She went into the guest room, throwing her bag on the bed. She’d sleep there.

She quickly stripped off her clothes that she’d driven here in, thankful to get them off and changed her mind about not showering. She definitely needed to shower. She found what she safely assumed to be a clean towel in the linen closet before going through into the bathroom, thankful the hot water was still on so she wouldn’t have to traipse through the house in just a towel to go and sort it.

She stepped under the hot water, the heat calming the last of her nerves that were still on edge. She didn’t spend long in the shower and made a note to definitely try and take a longer bath whenever she got back from work whether it be the next day or the one after that. She hadn’t used anything other than a shower in years, almost as though it was a luxury, but it just wasn’t something she’d ever really needed. Feeling a bit more relaxed after the shower, it didn’t take long until she was in the bed in the spare room, trying to get to sleep.

It seemed like a bit of a lost cause. She hadn’t been back to this house in so long, it just seemed to bring back memories that she didn’t want to be reminiscing on right now. She didn’t want to think about the time they first met, the nights he’d spent here with her when her mom had been stuck at the hospital. All the fake promises, and the lies he’d told her, just for him to leave her like everyone else did. She knew it wasn’t all his fault, but he was the one who had actually ended it. She had kept fighting, through it all, but he had been the one to give up in the end.

She turned in the bed for what was probably the millionth time, kicking at the sheets that were suddenly feeling too warm around her legs. She just couldn’t get comfortable, she couldn’t get to sleep. She was a surgeon, she should be able to sleep anywhere at any given time like it was nothing. Yet here she was, in a perfectly good bed with plenty of time to sleep, completely unable to.

She threw the covers off herself, getting up out of the bed and heading down the stairs, switching the lights on as she went. She ran her fingers through her hair as she walked into the living room, taking a deep breath. She needed to occupy her mind, push out the memories so she could sleep.

She grabbed the remote and switched the tv on, curling up on the couch with a blanket around her as she started to flick through the channels. She kept going through the channels, focusing on the glare of the screen until she settled on a lifetime movie.

She wasn’t even paying attention to the plot of the movie, hardly registering what any of the characters were saying. She still couldn’t get out of her own head. Even sat on the couch she was remembering him. Nights spent in front of the tv, watching stupid movies till stupid hours, eating stupid junk food. She wanted to throw something. She hated how he could take over her life like this, so many years later. She couldn’t get him out of her head.

She curled up tighter on the couch on her side, pulling the blanket closer around her as she stared at the tv screen. It was a lost cause. She was a lost cause when it came to him. All she could do was stare at the screen until her body exhausted itself enough and she passed out. She could try again tomorrow.

_And I know we weren't perfect,  
But I've never felt this way for no one,  
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone,  
I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me,  
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street._


End file.
